New Term: You're Pre-Dis-approved.

I don't want yer stinkin' card!!!!
Common folks. Let's all make one.
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And that's enough for now.

Brian Norwood

Platypi Online: The Platypus Portal

New Term: Handi-Crass

This is one of the less politically correct words I have come up with, but I'm not afraid.
Handicrass, 1; A disabled person so unrefined as to be lacking in discrimination and sensibility. 2; The elitist position of entitlement assumed by a small minority of people with highly visible disabilities.

Here's the story, I'm at the Home Depot the other day looking at plants for the outdoor hallway I refer to as my backyard. This is in contrast to the concrete parking lot with a soul patch of grass I refer to as my front yard (that's funny, I don't care who you are). So, I've got my giant, luxury shoppin' cart, courtesy of said Depot, and I'm looking at perennials, because I have a hard enough time with plants; I don't need any that are slated to die at the end of the season.

I am oblivious to the woman who has motored up to me until she says, "Excuse me, can't you see I'm in a wheelchair?" Now, I'd have been blocking this aisle for all but the smallest of humans and normal sized chimpanzees as I am a huge guy with a huge cart. The suggestion, however, that I deliberately set this situation up to harass the wheelchair bound has me so stunned I can't even mouth a reply. I am curt, but civil as I move my cart and return to selecting the foliage I wish to inflict with the evils of my tender love and care, so it can just die. It was several minutes later before "handicrass" occurred to me, and I almost wish I had thought of it then, but where would that get me. Part of what makes some people become handicrass is the bullet proof shield of taboo that isolates this particular subculture from criticism. I'd have just been labeled what ever "-ist" relates to oppression of the disabled. And who wants that? And to add insult to injury, she will always have a better parking spot than me. Maybe she is elite.

For those of you concerned, I didn't find anything to my liking, so all of the vegetation is still safe and secure at the Depot.


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And that's enough for now.

Brian Norwood

Platypi Online: The Platypus Portal

New Term: Blog Stalker

I have to credit Los over at Ragamuffin Soul with this one. But I LOVE it. If you check a persons blog WAAAAAY too often you, my friend, are a blog stalker. And you're creepy.
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And that's enough for now.

Brian Norwood

Platypi Design

New Word: DUIcycle

Pronounced "Dee-You-eye-sickle".
Have you ever seen an adult, usually male, stumbling about on some grossly inappropriate bicycle type (like a 19 or 20 inch BMX bike). He may or may not have a glass bottle in a brown paper bag. He is often heavily tattooed, but certainly not exclusively. "Wife beater" t-shirts and cut off Dickies shorts are common to this specimen.

If so, there is a strong possibility he may be riding a DUIcycle. California is notorious for under-prosecuting DUIs. Often, a 30 day suspension of driving privileges is the order of the day. (In contrast, a person in a car accident, who is not at fault, but does not carry car insurance loses their license for a year.) However, sometimes a multiple DUI offender can have a substantial suspension. In this case, transportation is STILL needed for the "elixir of life" at regular intervals. Enter the DUIcycle.

The modern DUIcycle is generally the property of the person's offspring, or acquired at a weekend yard sale. Other popular sources are the local classifieds, friends, Craig's List's free offerings, or in rare cases, larceny.

Now you might be thinking "How mean! What a jerk this guy is." I say, enough people have died at the hands of DUIs that have survived, that common courtesy is suspended. I find the term to be funny enough to post here for public consumption. Feel free to adopt it into your personal lexicon.

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And that's enough for now.

Brian Norwood

Platypi Design

SUV Vernacular

For 2 years, at least, I have been referring to the modern gigantic SUV as the 'Burb Tank. I believe that I coined this phrase (feel free to contact me with prior usage if you know of any), and I think it's high time we start getting some mileage out of it.
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And that's enough for now.

Brian Norwood

Platypi Design